Beneath the Surface
by koiketsudayou
Summary: People always wonder what's hidden beneath Kakashi Hatake's mask. Iruka wants to find out the true reason the silver haired Jounin always hides his face, but what Iruka finds out is not what he expected.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Kakashi isn't really OOC, but he's a little more closed off than the series shows. Not really sure how else to explain it, except to just tell you to read the story and find out. This chapter is actually just an intro, hence why it's extremely short. **

No one bothers to chastise a Konoha ninja about their appearance. It was just an unknown rule that everyone knew about. People knew that Gai sensei was a little odd with his choice of clothing, but they never voiced their thoughts in front of him. It would be rude of them to do so. Same goes with Shino, Kankuro, Rock Lee, and so on. The list continues to grow each year. But there was always that one person that everyone couldn't help but talk about him, even if he was present.

Kakashi Hatake. The famous copy-cat Ninja that has learned over a thousand jutsu's. You could say that he was an elite ninja of Konoha. But despite that title, and his reputation, villagers can't help but discuss him as if he was the weather. Why did he wear that mask? What was he hiding under there? Was he handsome? Does he have something to hide? Was he ugly? No one knew anything about the man. It was as if his private life on a whole didn't exist. Even his fellow ninja that worked alongside him knew nothing about him. What they could gather from his personality and how he acted was that he was a lazy ninja, second to Shikamaru, a very closed off person and that he didn't have any friends. No one has ever seen him chatting with friends before. They knew that Gai was his rival, but it only went so far. They weren't close friends, but just strictly rivals. What made him so anti-social? He didn't show emotion besides his lackadaisical attitude. Even his students knew nothing about him. It was as if he was a ghost.

Because of this he garnered the nickname Yurei no Otoko, literally meaning Ghost man. Villagers gossiped about him almost every day. They made up ridiculous lies stating "The real reason he wears that mask". It always started with those words. Iruka remembered overhearing an elderly couple say that "The real reason he wears that mask" is because he was an ugly human being and wanted to hide his shameful face away from everyone. Iruka was appalled by such a reason. Restraining himself from turning around and yelling at the couple about how rude that really was took more than he thought it would. How could you say something like that about a person? Kakashi didn't seem ugly. Well not in his eyes at least. But how could he make a judgment just based on the man's one eye.

For the next few days Iruka was distracted. Distracted because everywhere he went and anything he did, that silver haired Jounin was always on his mind. Not just him, but what the couple said was also plaguing his thoughts. When he went home, he thought about Kakashi being ugly. When he ate dinner, he thought about Kakashi being ugly. When he went to sleep, he dreamt about Kakashi being ugly. He just couldn't escape this idiotic notion about Kakashi being ugly. Iruka was completely fed up with thinking about the man. They barely even knew each other, yet here he was obsessing over whether what was under the mask was unattractive or not.

Iruka was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn't notice someone around the corner before it was too late. They both collided roughly, causing Iruka to stumble and then fall to the ground with a thud. Pain shot up through his thigh making him hiss at the sudden impact. "Crap." He muttered, rubbing the throbbing thigh. He should seriously pay attention to where he was walking or else he was going to end up hurting himself. "Are you okay?" A familiar voice asked. Looking up Iruka first saw the sun as it was glaring at him right behind the man, causing him to see white for a second. He put his hand up to stop the onslaught of the sun's bright rays unto his poor retinas just to see said man that had been invading his mind for over two weeks. Iruka felt like he was swallowing a boulder. "Are you okay? Kakashi repeated this time peering down at his Iruka's disheveled form. "O-Oh…Uhh.." No words could be formed as Iruka stared up at the Jounin with a stupefied look on his face. This went on for a few more seconds before Kakashi stepped back a little.

The tension surrounding them seemed to drag on longer than need be. "I..think I should…uh…just.." Kakashi never finished his sentence as he swiftly turned around and headed in the direction he just came from.

What was that all about?

**So tell me what you think. The beginning was a little cut off because I didn't want to really reveal anything right away. Enjoy and comment. Comments make the world go around.**


	2. The Request

"I want to see a full report on Chakra control after the break." The kids groaned in annoyance at their sensei's sudden need to assign them homework while they would be on vacation. "Do we really have too?" A red-headed seven year old asked, clearly not up to spending her vacation time working on a report that probably wouldn't even be graded. "Yes. And since you seem to be complaining about it it's no longer a 200 word report, but now a 400 word report." Iruka couldn't hide the smile that graced his lips as the entire classroom turned to glare at the small girl that had spoken up.

"Thanks a lot idiot."

"Now we have to write 400 words."

"400 words is so long."

"You idiot! Why couldn't you keep your mouth shut?"

Iruka laughed at the kids sudden interest in telling off the young girl. Clearly it wasn't all her fault that they had to write a longer report, but Iruka just loved messing with these kids. It was really too much fun torturing them with homework that would never be marked. He watched as they continued to bicker amongst themselves amazed at the insults that were conjured up out of seven year old minds.

"Alright that's enough." He interjected not wanting to have this get out of hand. "I don't want you picking on Fujiyama anymore. If I find out that you have then you'll be the ones to write not just one 400 word report, but three 800 word reports. Got that!" Silence engulfed the room, putting everyone who was sitting in a desk on edge. They were afraid of angering their sensei even more, and burdening themselves with unnecessary work. "Before you leave, write a paragraph about chakra control just so you get an idea of what I want on the homework." Groans and the shuffling of papers could be heard throughout the classroom which made him smile. He would miss these little rascals over the break.

As soon as all of them were done he dismissed them, but not before collecting the papers. With a final wave of his hand, the class was dismissed. "And don't forget to do your homework." He shouted over the crowd of thirty plus kids trying to rush out of the classroom.

He couldn't help but chuckle as the classroom was now void of any life but him. Moving back towards his desk, he began to grade the children's papers.

**Tap. Tap. Tap**

Iruka ignored the tapping he heard and continued with grading.

**Tap. Tap. Tap**

He paused mid sentence of correcting Fujiyama's chakra control explanation to look in the direction of where the tapping noise was coming from. It seemed upon looking, the sudden tapping noise ceased. Rubbing his temples he cursed under his breath at the tap that seemed to come in three's. Sleep is exactly what he needed.

**Tap. Tap. Tap**

His eye twitched in annoyance. This had to stop. Iruka rose from his chair and walked over to the window stiffly. There wasn't anyone out there, but gloomy skies and trees. Was he hearing things?

**Tap. Tap. Tap**

No. He definitely wasn't hearing things. This tapping was coming from around here somewhere, and he intended to find out. He wouldn't be able to grade papers if that tapping was constantly there. Opening the window he stuck his head out and found the source of the tapping noise. His head fell in defeat as his eyes laid upon an energetic teenage boy dressed in orange with small rocks in his hand . "Naruto.." He mumbled, not really up to talking with his favorite ex-student. "Iruka-sensei!" The boy yelled, waving his hands back and forth to catch his attention. As if he couldn't notice Naruto without that hideous orange color. "I'm going to have to tell him to change that color." He said while waving his hand at Naruto. "Can we get some ramen?" He asked with a bright grin on his face.

Leave it to Naruto to only have food, preferably ramen, on his mind. He sighed before answering. "Sure! Let me just get my things." He might as well leave if he wasn't going to get his work done. Naruto would probably bother him until he said yes anyway.

**OoOoOo**

"How have you been Naruto?" At that question Naruto grinned at him with a mouthful of ramen. "Great! Sakura, Sai and I just completed a mission a couple of days ago. We were supposed to escort this really beautifully lady back to her home which was in the Grass Country. It took longer than expected because she didn't like being carried on anyone's back. We ended up walking the entire way there." Iruka nodded at points to show Naruto that he was listening, but he couldn't help but have his thoughts steered back to a certain person.

Kakashi Hatake.

Why was it that he was killing himself over wanting to know what was under that mask? Was it normal to obsess over someone's face like that. He doubted it, but it just so happened that the student of said teacher was sitting right there in front of him. Maybe if he...

No. He wouldn't do that. That would just be an invasion of privacy.

What if he discreetly eased that question into the conversation? Would that help at all? No. Naruto would definitely be suspicious of him, which he really didn't want at the moment. But as always, his brain never fully caught up with his mouth as he blurted out an embarrassing question. "What about Kakashi-san?" Naruto turned to stare at him with an unreadable expression. "Uhh..." Iruka could have smacked himself at such a silly question.

Now Naruto was staring at him strangely. "What do you mean?" He asked slowly.

"Well...you know... How is he doing?" The end came out a little too high pitched for his liking. As the silence stretched on, Iruka turned his head away, clearly embarrassed at such a question. _Stupid brain. _How could he have been so impulsive? Next time he was going to think before he just blurted out random questions without fully thinking it over. The silence was killing him to the point where he wanted to leave the restaurant without looking back. "Uhh..I'm sorry. That was such a stupid question to ask. I'm sorry." Iruka hoped that Naruto would accept his apology, but what came out of his mouth shocked him on a whole.

"Say Iruka-sensei." Iruka watched as Naruto turned to stare at him with an expressionless look on his face. "Hmmm…"

"How do you feel about people?" Iruka looked at Naruto with a blank look on his face. Where did this question come from? "Um..Well. What exactly do you mean?"

"I mean…" He paused to slurp on some noodles before continuing. "People... Are you comfortable with…them?" He said slowly as if he was choosing his words carefully. "Well. When I'm with you I feel comfortable, and I'm generally a sociable person. Why do you ask?"

"So...how do you deal with someone that is anti-social then?" He questioned, completely ignoring Iruka's question on a whole. How was he supposed to answer this? He's never really dealt with an anti-social person before. All of his friends were social to the point where people got fed up with their constant chattering. Even if he had encountered an anti-social person he wouldn't have really noticed since he wasn't really the most observant person in the world.

"Who?"

"Does it matter?" Naruto replied a little too bitterly for Iruka's liking. He sighed and pushed his empty bowl away from him. Turning his body so that he was now fully staring at Naruto, he placed his hand on his fluffy blonde hair. "You make them open up."

"I know that." He barked, smacking his hand away much to Iruka's displeasure. "I mean how do you make them open up?"

"Are you talking about Sakura, because if you need help then—"

Naruto's glare instantly shut him up. "You be-friend them even if they clam up. No matter how much they tell you that they don't need any friends you continue to be nice to them and make them feel at ease. Eventually they will open up and begin to trust you. Now Naruto what does this—"

"Can you do me a favor?" Naruto asked, cutting off Iruka's sentence. "Depends on what it is."

"It's….my sensei.."

"Your sensei? You mean Kakashi?" Naruto nodded slowly and his head lowered a bit. "I'm concerned about him." Naruto whispered making Iruka lean in a bit so that he could hear what the blonde was saying. "It's as if he's closing himself up. Ever since Sasuke left he's been nothing but quiet. I'm scared…for him." Iruka felt his chest tighten at Naruto's heartfelt confession. He was worried about his sensei and scared that he can't do anything to help him. Iruka smiled through this though. He was happy that his ex-student cared so much about his current sensei that he would turn to his old one for help. "Don't worry Naruto. I'm sure he'll come around."

"NO! That's the thing. I keep telling myself that, but he seems to be digging such a deep hole that I'm sure it's impossible for him to get out of. Even Baa-chan is worried about him. He also looks like he's losing weight. His clothes just hang off of him and he always has these bags under his eyes…and…and….I—" A sob escaped his lips making Iruka's eyes start to water. "Don't cry Naruto!" He said bringing the boy into a warm embrace. "B-But…I-I can't even d-do anything to h-help him." He cried clutching unto the front of Iruka's shirt. They both just sat there hugging each other, neither one wanting to pull away. Iruka was afraid that if he pulled away Naruto would get up and leave. He couldn't let that happen. What he needed to do was comfort Naruto before sending him home. Who knows what the blonde haired boy would do once out of his reach; especially in this state.

"Sensei." Iruka turned his head downwards to look at the top of Naruto's head. "Will you help him?" His body froze at that question. Would he help him? He had been in his thoughts for the last couple of weeks, but that was for an entirely different reason. "Naruto..." He started, but didn't have the heart to finish. How was he to tell him that he wasn't interested in helping Kakashi. For one he barely knew the man, but then after saying that he felt like a hypocrite. How could he tell Naruto how to make an anti-social person open up, yet here he was saying he barely knew the man. Of course he would have to get to know him. That was the point of friendship, was it not? But in all honesty Iruka didn't want to get to know the silver haired jounin. Something inside of him told him that it would be a very rough ride. After what Naruto had told him, he wouldn't expect the man to be a walk in the park. For some strange reason Iruka knew that Kakashi had a rough past. And he understood, no matter how strange that sounded. Iruka knew that Kakashi was that way for a reason. Maybe he didn't want to be figured out? Maybe he was just waiting for someone to come along and help him? There were so many different possibilities that it made Iruka's head reel. He knew that this was going to be tough. If the man couldn't even open up to his students, what makes you think that he would open up to a complete stranger like himself. It just wouldn't work. Naruto was crazy to have even asked something like this.

But suddenly determination started building up inside of him. What if he was the person that was supposed to come along and help Kakashi? He couldn't just turn that invitation down and risk a man spiraling down into darkness. There was no way that he would let that happen! He would do it. He would help Kakashi and bring that man to happiness. Whether he wanted that to happen or not, Iruka was going to be there and help him no matter what he said. "I'll do it." He replied, a small smile now creeping up unto his face. Naruto looked up at him with a tear stained face, but instead of crying the blonde haired ball of energy squeezed Iruka into a tighter hug as a way of thanking him.

"Thank you so much Iruka-sensei! You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Okay then." He laughed as Naruto pulled away to finish his ramen.

Hopefully this journey wouldn't be that rough, but somehow…he knew it would.


	3. This Façade

**A/N: This chapter was difficult to write because I didn't know how to approach it. I rewrote it so many times over the past couple of days that I was beginning to think this would not be posted at all this week. Although it was hard I want to thank those that have reviewed my story, story alerted and/or favorited it. **

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**It makes me happy that people are enjoying this as much as I am writing it. Thankfully I was able to update today. After that it'll be a little less frequent, but I will try my best to update as much as possible. Please enjoy this update and look forward to the next one.**

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><p>Iruka couldn't decide if his ceiling looked more brown or tan. This might have irritated him, but he couldn't drudge up the energy for it. All of last night and into the morning, much to his displeasure, he had been sitting with Naruto talking about his next job. Why Naruto called it a job? He'll never know, but he would like to think that Kakashi wouldn't have appreciated someone referring to him as a job. Iruka didn't have to do it because he was asked. He genuinely waned to help the man. Well...he couldn't tell a lie. In the beginning he had been very <strong>very <strong>reluctant to help him, but after much convincing from Naruto (not that it was just Naruto that had convinced him), and some thinking on his part he had accepted. Iruka didn't really know how to go about it though. It would be a little strange if he suddenly engaged in conversation with the man without having ever talked to him in his life. Yes he had seen Kakashi more than once around the village, but it was so brief that one could call it a brush of the shoulder and no second glance.

Iruka sighed and turned to his left to find a more comfortable position to lie in. The sight of Naruto curled up in a ball on the floor made him squint his eyes in confusion. _When did he get to the floor?_ Iruka laughed at his odd sleeping position. Not only was he sleeping strange, but the sight of his disheveled hair and slight drool streaming out of his mouth added to that innocent image. As he watched Naruto sleep for a little while he couldn't help but remember the conversation that had taken place not even a couple of hours ago

_Flashback_

_"He's very sensitive."_

"What do you mean." Naruto let out a shaky breath before continuing. "He doesn't like...physical contact." Iruka knew that something like that shouldn't be hard to comprehend, but he couldn't fathom anyone NOT liking physical contact. How was he supposed to comfort him then? Physical contact is the epitome of comfort. You can't comfort someone from a distance. Comfort invades personal space and people need that no matter how many times they deny it.

Iruka couldn't help but allow his eyebrows to furrow in frustration at that information. "Naruto..." He paused. He couldn't tell Naruto what was on his mind. The boy would utterly hate him if he decided to say what had been on his mind. "Iruka…" Naruto's voice sounded hollow as he spoke. "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, but..it's just that I don't know what to do. Sakura-chan says that it may not be him that hates physical contact."

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I mean…Well she said that it might just be the ANBU side of him that hates it. That…maybe he needs to separate his true self from his ANBU self." Naruto looked up at him with tears building up in the corner of his eyes. How could this boy care so much for his sensei? Yes, a student should have a strong relationship with their teacher, but he never expected it to be this much. Naruto was just a person that loved often. Iruka felt that because he wasn't loved as a child, he loves others as a way to make up for his loss. It made sense, but then, yet again, it didn't. Iruka now started to realize how much both males needed someone. Naruto __**and **__Kakashi needed someone to love him. _

_He could only do so much though. Loving Naruto was simple, but Kakashi? Who's to say the man won't reject him if he ever tried to show him any type of loving emotion. At that moment he realized how awkward that sounded in his head. No, he wasn't in love with the man. He didn't even have a strong like for him. It was just…strange. He didn't know how to explain his feelings on Kakashi. It was just a subject he wished no one would bring up. _

_Especially Naruto. _

_End of Flashback_

Iruka realized that he never did answer if Sakura's "theory" was right or not. His answer would have been yes. It did seem like a possibility. But then he thought even more. No one could be that void of emotions. Yes ANBU were taught to suppress their emotions, and learn that they were only a tool meant to be used in war. But what happened to those emotions that they once did have. It couldn't have just escaped them into thin air. It had to go somewhere.

Now that he thought about it, Kakashi couldn't have bottled up his emotions that well. Although he can't recall a time where he let his emotions slip, he was sure that it would have happened at least once. Most likely by accident of course, but it would have still happened. Iruka didn't realize it, but the next forty minutes that should have been used sleeping, he was musing over that certain silver haired jounin.

Naruto had mentioned something about him losing weight. Was he bulimic? Anorexic? Was he a cutter? Did he like to harm himself? Was his past rough? The shiver that ran through his body at that thought made him freeze. How could he think like that all of a sudden? Of course that wasn't true. It couldn't be true.

His tiredness was definitely getting the best of him. He needed some rest and he needed it now. Rolling over yet again to try and find a comfortable position, Iruka closed his eyes hoping that sleep would take over.

The more he waited and thought about trying to fall asleep, the harder it became to actually do that. Growling at the lack of rest, Iruka through the warm covers off of his body and stood up. Making his way into the kitchen he made sure to avoid stepping on Naruto. It was very dark inside his house and the pulled blinds didn't make it any better as he almost stubbed his toe on a side desk. Iruka cursed as his foot brushed against the splintered door. He was seriously going to have to get that fixed later. Making it to the kitchen with little injuries didn't really go as planned. You would think that he had memorized his house already, but it seemed that tonight all the furniture thought it was funny to move around a bit. Finally arriving at the kitchen with a tingling elbow (he hit his funny bone on the stairwell), a slightly bruised ankle, and throbbing forehead, courtesy of the wall, Iruka finally got to brewing his tea.

Ten minutes later and he was sitting back on his bed with a cup of raspberry tea and a leftover dumpling from the takeout he had last night with Naruto. As he slowly sipped on the tea to savor the taste his eyes roamed over the objects in his room before resting on the figure that was now sprawled out on the floor.

A small smile graced his face as Naruto moaned and shifted in his sleep. Iruka would have laughed at the odd sight, but kept quiet not wanting to disturb him.

Iruka didn't know how long he sat there staring at Naruto's sleeping form, but he knew it was long enough as his unfinished cup of tea was now cold. Fatigue started pulling at his eyelids, forcing him to place his cup down and lay back on his bed. Putting the once forgotten covers back over his body, he snuggled into his pillow and slowly succumbed to the darkness.

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><p>He heard a faint voice calling his name, but he couldn't pick out who's voice it was. He deemed it as unimportant and simply ignored the now louder voice. "Iruka-sensei!" The person yelled. His shoulder started being pushed at, making a slight growl escape his throat. Whoever was pulling him out of this unconscious state was seriously going to get it when he decided on matching a voice with a face. "Come on Iruka-sensei. I'm hungry!"<p>

_Naruto._

That had been the person that had been bothering him to the point of sheer irritation. "Naruto." His voice sounded somewhat animalistic at this point. "Do me a favor and **stop that**." He hissed with as much anger as he could muster.

"Oh. Sorry." Naruto whispered. The shoving of his shoulder stopped instantly making Iruka _almost _want to sigh. Cracking open both eyes he was met with a mop of blonde hair and blue eyes. Iruka yelped and fell off of his bed and unto the hard floor. "Oops." That was all he could say. Naruto was lucky that he liked him.

Grunting a bit from the sudden impact of his back to the floor, he stood up on shaky feet. "I'm sorry Iruka-sensei. I-I was just hungry and thought that it would be alright to wake you." Big blue eyes stared up at him making a shiver run down his back. Naruto had the lightest blue eyes he had ever seen. He was lucky he could use it as a weapon, because right now it was working pretty well. "That's alright." He said, mentally cursing himself at his weakness. "Let's just get something to eat." Naruto grinned widely and nodded in satisfaction. Leave it to him to only have food on his mind.

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><p>His façade was harder than steel itself. It was something that he had built over the years to ensure that no one saw through his smile. Yes, sometimes his smile was genuinely there, but at other times it was fake. Fake because he didn't appreciate people meddling into his life and figuring out who he was exactly. His smile was the only side he wanted people to see, and he made sure it stayed that way. If anyone where to actually figure out who he truly was, Kakashi didn't know what he would do with himself. He wasn't ready for anyone to see who he truly was. That was why he wore a mask. He wore it to protect himself from people on the outside seeing the true him. He was sure that if they did they would be horrified. Horrified because of how ugly he truly was. His heart was ugly, his face was ugly, and everything about him was just…ugly. How could someone stand looking at him? Surely they saw that he was faking everything?<p>

How could they be so…incompetent? No matter how many times he told himself that he didn't need anyone he knew it was a lie. He needed someone…anyone to help him. His heart was crumbling, his façade didn't seem like it could last any longer and fatigue was catching up with him.

Sleeping was out of the question. Why? Because every single time he slept he saw his true self. Locked inside of a cage in the back of his mind. He couldn't stand it anymore. Didn't anyone see him? Would he want anyone to see him? God he was so contradicting it was frustrating.

This was stupid. He shouldn't have even thought..even have asked it. But what's done is done. He couldn't go back on his word. He couldn't just take the words right out of the air and shove them back into his mouth. Once something is said you can never take it back. At the moment he was wishing that rule didn't apply to him. It was such a stupid request that he couldn't even believe he did it to begin with. Something must have brought his spirits down that day, enough to the point where he couldn't take it anymore, and asked _him_. Consequences were disregarded as he said those dreadful words. Why did he do it? Why? Why? Why?

"Dammit!" Kakashi punched a wall, not even caring that his bones crunched under the pressure. Blood started seeping out of his wound but he made no indication that he had even noticed. Even if he had he wouldn't have dealt with it. He liked the pain. He enjoyed it…_savored _it. That was the only thing that he was good at though. Inflicting pain upon himself and others. It was his fault that his teammates died. Even though it had been years since that fateful day he had gained the Sharingan, he couldn't bring himself to forget it. He would never let himself forget. He lived on for Obito. He lived on for Rin. They wouldn't want him to be depressed like this. Kakashi needed to forgive. To forget. But…he just couldn't. It was as if the memories were haunting him. A tear slipped out of Kakashi uncovered eye, jolting him out of his reminiscing state. Quickly taking his uninjured hand he swiped at the lone tear that traveled down his face. This was something that he was new to. Never again he told himself that he would shed a tear. Not for himself, and certainly not for others. But it was as if Sasuke's abandonment of the village triggered all of this. This was why he was so emotional. He never showed that he truly cared for his three students, but he wished he had. Maybe then he would have been able to prevent all of this from happening.

Everyone close to him always left. It didn't matter if they were close or acquaintances. They always left.

When would the sadness seep away? When would this pain gripping at his chest disappear? Would it ever disappear?

Kakashi didn't know what came over him, but he started punching repeatedly at the wall. Punch after punch, tear after tear, the sadness gripped at him harder and harder till the point where it became too hard for him to breath. He gripped at his chest trying to calm himself down, but the more he took in deep breaths the faster his heart seemed to beat. He was breathing to fast. On the verge of hyperventilating he fell to the floor, staring wide eyed up at the ceiling. This was just too much. He needed to sleep all of this off. Maybe when he woke up he wouldn't feel so…crappy anymore.

He didn't have to wait long as a few minutes later black spots started to dance across his sight before he passed out in a heap on his bedroom floor.

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><p>AN: Was it too much? Give me some feedback here!


	4. Genma's Wrath

**A/N: So I actually had two versions of this chapter. One that I wrote last night in an effort to have something down, and the other that I wrote today when I should have been catching up on my school reading since I was absent from school Thursday and Friday. To be honest I am not pleased with the other version, but it seems like I can use that in the future to tie everything together. I felt like I was giving away too much and people would lose interest if I suddenly just told everyone why Kakashi acted the way he did in the last chapter. Since I'm an author that likes to drag things out just a little bit (please don't kill me), I've decided to use this version instead. Honestly the other one was wayyy to dramatic for my liking. But anyway please enjoy this chapter and give me some feedback. I always love constructive criticism because it helps to improve my writing.**

**This is a humor induced chapter to level out the angst in the previous one.**

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><p>When he finally came around, Kakashi realized that he was still sprawled out on the floor with pillows and bed sheets strewn carelessly around him. It looked like one of Konoha's once a year monsoons flew through his bedroom, putting everything that was once in their correct position into a massive heap of crap on the floor. Just looking at the mess brought an unwanted migraine that seemed to have already been lingering prior to him waking up. A soft groan passed through his lips as he slowly sat up, trying to discern right from left as the room seemed to gyrate around him. Kakashi knew that he hadn't been out binge drinking the night before, but it sure felt like it as his head began to pound as if waiting for the full effect of a hangover to pass over him. Seconds, minutes, maybe even hours passed by, but he sat there trying to nurse the sudden onslaught of pain that passed throughout his body. First it began with his head, and then it seemed as if the pain became a river as it flowed from the upper part of his body down towards his chest. The only response that Kakashi could even think of to dull the pain was to curl up into himself and wish it away. Yes it was useless to wish something like pain away, but it seemed like it worked.<p>

Not completely, but enough where he was able to actually stand on his two feet without feeling like he just went through a washing machine. He racked his brain trying to remember if he actually had any medicine in his cabinet to at least reduce the pain to a low throb. Of course he came up with a blank and decided that actually looking for the medicine was better than thinking about if he had it or not.

He slowly shuffled towards the bathroom and opened the white cabinet where bottles of pills stared back at him. "Upset stomach. No. Digestion. No. Ear infection. No. Strength Pills. No." It was everything but what he needed. Clearly irritated he slammed the cabinet door shut, but instantly regretted it as the loud noise did nothing but worsen his headache. "Just great." He mumbled. Not only was he not able to find any medicine for his searing headache, but he just made it ten times worst thanks to his uncontrolled temper.

The rest of his morning routine consisted of him trying to put his puzzle pieces back together so that he was at least able to function properly without feeling the need to keel over and expel the contents of his stomach unto his less than acceptable kitchen floor. Kakashi didn't feel the need to eat, but the wanting of having something warm settling his stomach overpowered him. He sat at his kitchen table waiting for the water to boil on the stove so that he could set about brewing his tea. Somewhere at the back of his mind he knew that he was missing something this morning. He couldn't remember if it was exactly important or not, but the nagging feeling pushed him towards the answer of yes, it was important. Of course through his hazy induced mind he paid no attention to his instincts, but instead calmly sipped at his chamomile tea. Kakashi wasn't one for tea. He was more of a person that liked his coffee bitter. The more bitter it was, the wider awake and more alert he was. He actually forced himself to drink the blasted drink without any sugar or cream added (if you look hard enough you'll notice him wince). It was just that something about the chamomile tea that he just couldn't get away from. Maybe it reminded him of his father, who drank it as if it was his life source, but whatever it was it soothed his stomach and calmed his nerves.

Adding a little bit more honey he continued to sip at the tea, making sure to savor every last drop before leaving his apartment. He made a metal list of what his tasks would be as he finished up the last of it. First he would need to restock his fridge, and then go to the bookstore down the street to collect some essentials (Icha Icha Pardise Deluxe Edition). Following that a visit to the weapons shop was long needed as he had to purchase a new set of kunai's, seeing as how the ones he had now were chipping and not in the best of shape. Then he would have to stop by the mission room to drop of his…week late report. Genma was sure to have his head when he catches wind of it. But hey, at least it wasn't as bad as the time he had to escort Yukihara, a wealthy man, to the Rice Country, and ended up handing in his share of the report three weeks later. Although now that he thought about it…he couldn't remember if he actually _did _turn in that report. Genma was surely going to raise hell.

"Maa..better late than never."

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><p>So it did turn out that the three week old report hadn't been turned in, and that it had been sitting on a stool in his bathroom. When Kakashi had found it, he stared long and hard at it while scratching his head. The question that rang through his head went along the lines of "How in the world did that get there?" And then upon further search throughout his bedroom, because he had to clean it after this morning's monsoon, he found two incomplete reports that were dated two months old.<p>

This was seriously _not _good. His morning was a disaster and his afternoon was sure to be a disaster as well. To be honest he couldn't even remember doing those missions, thus adding to the pile of "holy shit's" that seemed to be flying left and right. First it began with his breakdown yesterday, then this morning's sudden disaster, his three mission reports, concluding with his wallet being empty. Yes, Kakashi Hatake was currently broke and couldn't even buy himself dinner.

"Where is Naruto when you really need him?" It seemed to make sense why he was broke though. Not turning in your mission report meant you didn't get paid. And seeing as how he hadn't even bothered to complete the darned thing, he wasn't expecting Genma to put 100 yen down on the desk. The only payment he'd probably received would be a bunch of D-rank missions (without pay) or strangulation courtesy of yours truly, Genma.

Scratch the little plan that he had this morning, the only task he had to complete today was:

**Survive Genma's wrath.**

Seemed easy…enough.

* * *

><p>"Yo."<p>

"Don't you "Yo" me you lazy bastard." Kakashi laughed nervously and took three steps back from Genma's desk, not really wanting to be in the path of his hellfire. "Well…any excuses that you have today Kakashi? Hmm." If only you could hear the venom lacing his voice, it would make Satan tuck tail and run. Kakashi wasn't really scared of many people, but when it came down to his fellow, senbon loving Genma…you really didn't want to add wood to the bonfire. "Maa…you see. On the way here I stopped to smell the daisies, and the lilacs, and the roses, and the violets…and I guess I got carried away."

"Oh really. For two months you just happened to be fixated on every single flower that ever crossed your path."

"Well….it didn't exactly all go like that."

"Oh really now? Care to enlighten me."

"What had happened was (Kakashi learned never to start a sentence with that) I helped a little girl find her parents. Turned out her parents lived in Kirigakure." The sheer animosity the Genma held for him couldn't even be explained in words. Each time he made up another excuse Genma's face would contort to the point where Kakashi wondered if the human face could actually look like that. "Any more…" He hissed. By this point Kakashi was cornered into the wall with half the mission room staring at the odd sight in front of them. "Planted a tree and watched it grow."

"No."

"Uhh…Found out the real reason why the sky's blue."

"Not even working."

"Okay. You have to believe this one. A little old lady—"

"Uh-uh. Used that one already."

"Christ…I thought I didn't… " He mumbled with a hand on his chin. "You better come up with something fast."

"I got lost on the road of life.

* * *

><p>"That will be fourteen unpaid D-rank missions, and a nine hour shift with Kotetsu." He shouldn't be surprised, because he kind of expected it (and deserved it even though he would never voice that). To be honest he thought that he would have gotten something much harsher. In the past Genma would have put him on temporary suspension for the crap that he's pulled. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff he's done in the past. "Getting soft Genma?"<p>

"Push it one more time Hatake and that'll be **twenty** D-rank missions and a three day shift with Kotetsu. Be lucky I'm letting you get away with this one. Anyone else and they would have been up to their eyeballs in nothing but genin level missions. So prove to me that you're a jounin and stop acting like a brat. It's annoying."

After that little kick in the ass Kakashi left the mission room with a smile on his face. At least something decided to make his day. Now all he needed to do was find some food to eat.

**A/N: Short but I figured a little humor might make your day. Didn't want it to be all angst you know. *wink***

**P.S This was all my sick little self would allow me to write in one chapter. The next one is being typed as you finish reading this sentence :)**


	5. The Real Reason

**A/N: Why did it take you so long to write this chapter? **

**Answer: To be honest I've had this chapter written for the longest while, but being the perfectionist that I am, I didn't enjoy the chapter I wrote. I kept that one as revised and typed up this one instead. Basically I had two Chapter 5's in my Fanfic folder. This Sunday I decided on writing a new story and during my fanfiction writing craze I typed up two new stories, edited this chapter, and posted one of the stories I typed. So I've been a busy typing bee. You should see a chapter six by the end of the week (Saturday) or next week Monday. And that is a promise because I actually have half of that one written already. *scratches head* Kind of typed everything out of order. Hehe..**

**What part of the Naruto Timeline is this in?**

**This is my fanfiction and I am not writing this to follow any sort of events in the actually Naruto anime or manga. This is simply just being written for enjoyment. Not for people to say, "She didn't follow the storyline, this story is wrong." No. It's nothing like that. I don't care that Naruto left Konoha for that two year time-skip. In this fanfic it was a shorter time just for the sake of how it's being written.**

**Any questions you might have, please PM me. Sorry for the extremely long wait.**

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><p>A loud rumble passed through the streets causing a silver haired Jounin to blush under his mask. Ever since he left the mission's office he had been slowly trudging through town with a small hope of seeing Naruto, or at least anyone around. The reason being was that he was now completely broke, and seeing as he had no money, there was no way for him to eat anything. Naruto would have been a perfect candidate to go and eat ramen with because he knew that he could disappear, without paying the bill, and have Naruto not be too mad at him. Yes he'd be mad nonetheless, but he'd be less angry than say if he did that to Sakura. The kunoichi had a temper on her which he would have loved to avoid, because unnecessary bouts of argument involving his student, especially her, would result in a chakra infused punch to the face.<p>

As he searched for his annoying blonde student, he passed by a bookstore only to find that Jiraiya had published another Icha Icha Paradise volume. This time on the cover Kenma was being chased by a big busted broad that had a little too low cut shirt. Kakashi hissed at the book as if it had burned him, and shoved his hands into his pocket. Of course he would have bought the book without even a second thought, but no change jingled in his pockets, and no money dusted the inside of his wallet. He sighed in defeat and let his head hang as he reluctantly walked away from his life. He seriously needed some money now, but he was on temporary suspension. He wasn't really suspended, but he was more suspended on actual missions as he would now have to drag his ass through genin level missions. If only he wasn't so damned lazy he would have had the report already finished. Kakashi didn't think that Genma was really irked by the fact that his report was two months late, but rather the fact that he could barely read the handwriting on the paper.

Genma had yelled at him to get some writing lessons, which in his mind he really didn't object to because he already accepted the fact that he had bad handwriting, and Kakashi had hightailed it out of there before things got even more heated. Genma was one scary man.

Kakashi recalled a previous incident involving a hot-headed rookie jounin and an irritated Genma. The rookie jounin, Ryo, had handed in an incomplete report that had too many holes for one's liking. Questions upon questions could be made into a pile about this report and Genma, being the unlucky person, had to finish the report himself after having rounded up many eye witnesses to testify as to what had exactly happened on the mission. Let's just say that towards the end the rookie no longer had the drive to be a ninja anymore.

Quickly sidestepping out of the way of a moving cart he shuffled through the bustling streets of Konoha, head down and hands in his pockets. He couldn't ignore the constant rumbling of his stomach and felt as if it was protesting by curling in on itself. An empty stomach shouldn't have been a problem for a jounin like him, but after having not eaten for three days straight, the body eventually starts to protest. He would have preferred to go back to his apartment and drink some tea to soothe his rumbling belly, but knew that it wouldn't have lasted for an hour.

"Kaka-sensei!" It was as if the heaven's had opened and god had walked down the shining steps from his throne unto earth and manifested himself into the blonde-haired knuckled headed ninja. Angels were singing and corpses were turning over in the grave as he turned around to be met with Naruto's smiling face. Restraint held him back as the sudden urge to throw his hands around the poor kid and take him into a bone crushing hug overwhelmed his emaciated body.

"Yo." It came out lazier than expected but served its purpose as Naruto scowled at him.

"How are you Kaka-sensei! I haven't seen you since…" Naruto trailed off and put a finger on his chin. "Actually…I can't remember. " Kakashi would have chuckled, but the sharp pain in his abdomen suddenly shook off that reaction. "So...how are you?"

"I'm fine, and yourself?"

"Great! Iruka-sensei and I were just about to head off to Ichiraku's. Would you like to join us?" A very tempting invitation, but at the sound of Iruka's name his body tensed. Why? He didn't know, but he wasn't really one to be trusting of others he didn't recognize. "Iruka?"

"Yeah. He's been free lately and offered to hang out today."

"I don't want to intrude if he wants to spend time with you—" Naruto cut him off with a sharp look. "You wouldn't be intruding. It'd be fun. Just the three of us."

"I don't know Naruto…"

"Nonsense." Naruto grabbed his wrist and proceeded to drag him over to where Iruka was standing. Kakashi wasn't focused on what was coming out of Naruto's mouth as most of it was extremely irrelevant, but a sudden sense of dread began to fill him. Spending an entire lunch with Iruka didn't sound like any fun to him. He barely knew the man. If he couldn't even stand being around his fellow students, let alone someone he barely knew, who's to say that he would be able to stand Iruka. Naruto didn't exactly give him a say in the matter as he still continued to drag him towards the ramen stand.

The grip wasn't exactly tight, and he knew that he would have easily been able to maneuver his way out of the grip, but somewhere in the back of his head he wanted to be dragged. He wanted to be around people, and wanted to be…normal for once. He couldn't remember the last time he'd truly spent time with someone that was more than an acquaintance. Genma didn't count because Kakashi would never really consider Konoha's number one gossiper, alongside Anko, his true friend. He didn't have many true friends though. He had wanted for the longest while but everyone was just under the impression that he was just a socially awkward human being and was uncomfortable to be around people he wasn't familiar with. His reputation as a citizen of Konoha wasn't that great. As for a ninja he was highly regarded as being very skilled. It wasn't that he chose to be socially awkward. He just was.

Back when he applied for genin students he figured that being around children would loosen himself up a bit. It had worked for the first few months, but then the chuunin exams rolled around and everything just went downhill from there. With Sasuke gaining the cursed mark and having to seal it for him, he could see the hatred and revenge burning underneath his students skin, just waiting to be released.

Sasuke left and he was heartbroken as if it was his own son that had abandoned him. He would never tell anyone that though because he was supposed to be a tool of Konoha. Tools weren't supposed to cry when bad news was heard.

His face was impassive when he heard the news, but later that evening when he returned home he just sat in his living room staring at nothing. The walls were blurry from the build-up of unshed tears pooling at the corner of his eyes, but he refused to shed any of them. He had already cried one time too many and he wasn't about to repeat history by doing it again.

First it was his Father. Then his sensei. Then his teammate, Obito. His first love Rin. And then his student, Sasuke.

No one had inquired about his thoughts on Sasuke. They had merely just assumed that he was void of any type of mourning, and that Sasuke's sudden departure didn't affect him at all.

It did affect him though.

It was like his past was coming back to haunt him again. Those days he had begun to eat less and his jounin uniform hung off of him like there was nothing but skeleton underneath. His mask began to sag as there was no skin to hold it up anymore, and his hair didn't have it's usually luster. Naruto had become concerned and that was when he realized that he was showing too much emotion. He was letting him know that there was something wrong. The panic that had spread through him when Naruto asked him what was wrong was nothing compared to the panic he had when Naruto lifted up his shirt without warning.

It was a sickening sight. His ribs were showing and the skin around his naval was blotchy as if someone had slapped him. He could distinctly remember the expressions that lined Naruto's face as he stared at the discolored skin and painfully obvious ribs that were jutting out, as if they were just trying to escape him.

After that incident he faked everything. He faked being happy, he faked smiling, he faked being himself. Naruto hadn't asked questions after that and he was thankful as his student returned to his usually bubbly self. That sudden moment of panic that Naruto had brought on was enough to give him a kick in the stomach. He couldn't let anyone know what he was going through. He needed to keep it to himself and not let his inner self escape into this perfect 'fake' world he had created.

A hand waving in front of his face brought him from his undesired thoughts causing him to blink numerous times. A concerned face came into focus causing him to scowl beneath his mask.

He was doing it again. He was letting his mask slip and his brick wall to slowly crumble.

"Is everything ok?" Kakashi _almost _glared at the sympathetic look Iruka was sending his way, but he couldn't blame the chuunin no matter how much he wanted to. It wasn't Iruka's fault he was like this. The man was only trying to look out for him.

But why…?

"I'm fine." He mumbled. The obvious lack of a convincing tone did nothing but make Iruka frown at his response. The stool squeaked as he shifted uncomfortably under the scrutinizing faze. Kakashi felt like a lab rat drowning in a pool of acid as bile rose to his throat. The gaze did nothing but bring on a sudden want to chuck up the tea he previously had. So far this lunch was not at all pleasurable.

Naruto was the one to break the silence.

"So what are you getting Kakashi-sensei?" There was no bubbly tone, no disrespectful nickname that was always said, and certainly no caring at all in that one sentence. Where was the Naruto that was always mouthing off and disrespecting authority? He felt pretty stupid checking over Naruto's chakra signal to make sure it wasn't a doppelganger. The constant ebb of enormous chakra should have been enough to tell him that, yes, it certainly was Naruto sitting next to him, but he couldn't help but search a second time.

"Excuse me?" He said after a few moments of awkward silence.

Naruto didn't repeat himself. His bright cerulean blue eyes that were practically a duplicate of his sensei's, started blankly ahead, examining the menu as if it was a jutsu better than the Rasengan. "I might just have the pork ramen." It was silent as he stared hard at his menu. He wasn't reading the words at all, but was gazing at the pictures that were decorating the sides.

For some strange reason he knew his two companions were doing the same.

It was a long time that they sat there waiting for Teuchi to take their order. Both his daughter and he were busy with a few customers that had entered before them, and were caught up with trying to fill six orders of ramen at once. Kakashi wished that they would hurry up already so he wouldn't have to sit in such an uncomfortable silence anymore.

The tension was constricting, and the air was heavy. Kakashi couldn't help but glance out the corner of his eye at Iruka. The chuunin was sitting still as a doornail, staring straight ahead with what looked like a concentrated expression on his face. What was he thinking about?

It irked him that he couldn't read what he was thinking by his body language. Kakashi was normally good at reading everyone, but why was Iruka the one person he couldn't read. What made him so special? And why did it bother him more than it should have?

"I'm sorry about that." Teuchi huffed while whipping out a notepad from his apron pocket. "I wasn't intending on taking so long with those people, but they were being very difficult and couldn't decide on what they wanted." Naruto waved off the apology with a shake of his head. "It's alright old man."

"So what can I get for you fellows?"

"I'd like beef ramen."

"Pork please?"

Kakashi looked down at the menu once again, not exactly sure if he should get the oriental or the Chicken. There was a less portion of the Chicken ramen as the Oriental seemed to come in the largest size bowl they had. Kakashi wasn't really persuaded by the Oriental Ramen picture so he opted for the chicken instead. "…..I'll just have the Chicken."

Teuchi scribbled down all three requests and left the three men in a hurry.

"How have you been Kakashi-sensei?" There it was again. He said Kakashi sensei instead of Kaka-sensei. Something was definitely strange. "I'm fine. Not enough missions though."

"Oh."

"Are missions not flowing in as much?" How was he supposed to know? He didn't work at the missions desk. Iruka should just ask Genma himself instead of engaging in conversation with him. "I wouldn't know."

The conversation seemed to abrupt immediately. This was the reason why he didn't want to have lunch with Naruto. He would have preferred to have just gone home and read, but as fate would have it he was dragged here instead. It was probably more on a whim than an actually thought out invitation. He couldn't imagine Naruto wanting to hang out with him. Who would want to hang out with someone as boring and unsocial as him?

Naruto thought that he was probably obligated to do this because he was his student. The image of Naruto cringing at the thought of hanging out with his sensei made his heart ache.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to even have left his apartment.

After everyone had finished eating Kakashi quickly mumbled an apology about having to leave before shunshining away. He knew that it wasn't a nice thing to do, but staying any longer than need be would prove to be a wrong move. Kakashi wasn't ready for the onslaught of questions that he knew would come if he decided to stay any longer.

Questions were already forming in his head, and he knew that those were the ones that would be thrown at him.

Is everything okay?

Is there something wrong with you?

Do you need any help?

Why are you so skinny?

Why do you keep to yourself?

Is there a reason why you're so antisocial?

The list could continue, but he didn't want to think about anything. At the moment he just wanted to sleep. Sleep was tugging at his eyes, but he forced them to remain open. The nightmares would come if he slept. Obito's cold dead hands would be reaching for his throat, trying to squeeze the life out of him. The pleading would then begin, and Rin would be punching his stomach yelling at him to do something, to not just stand there and watch their only teammate die. His sensei would be standing off in the corner quietly mumbling about where he went wrong and what he could do to fix this. To fix him.

The floor would be stained with blood, and a body would be lying next to it, eyes wide open as if shocked by an image. Those eyes would follow him everywhere. No matter which corner he turned, that sight would always be there.

But the latest addition to the family would be Sasuke. Kakashi could already see it now. Sasuke's onyx colored eyes would be staring at him with such malice that would make him shiver. "Why. Why didn't you save me? Why didn't you do something? Why didn't you help me?" Sasuke would repeat those words over and over to him, and the voices in his head wouldn't stop. No matter how many times he yelled at them to shut up, or if he covered his ears the noise would still be there. Buzzing next to his ear like a persistent insect would.

Sasuke was like him though. Someone who just wanted to be acknowledged, who wanted a family, who wanted to be loved but couldn't. Kakashi couldn't save him because he couldn't save himself.

He tried…he had really truly tried to help Sasuke. But of course, it was all in vain. Just like Sasuke he was a lost cause. Naruto should just give up on trying to help him while he was still ahead. If he couldn't help himself, what made him think that he could? No one could help him. At this point he was shoulder deep in the murky water and would soon spiral into darkness.

And in truth, he would welcome it with open arms.

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><p><strong>EN: Thank you for taking the time to read this, I appreciate those that com****ment and favorite this story. It makes me happy to see that people are enjoying it. I hope this chapter gave a more prominent feel to what Kakashi was feeling. I tried to go into detail without giving away too much information. Well...this was partially beta'd but then I got fed up because I was actually watching a Naruto video…so yeah. Just try to ignore the mistakes or weird choice of words. Edited 2/1/12**


	6. I'm Truly Sorry Author Information

Because I know people probably don't look on profile pages anymore to actually read what's there, I decided to put this in all my stories to inform people that are story alerted to these stories, what is going to happen over this next year.

Due to my focus on writing my novel, that should be published by the end of this year *crosses fingers*

I will no longer be continuing writing any of the fanfictions posted here. That's not to say that I'll completely forget about them.

It just means that all activity on this page will cease to exist until the end of this year.

I'm truly sorry to all my fans and those that were looking forward to reading my stories.

I feel that the writing on here that I have now is childish, and could improve a whole lot better.

When I do come back, everything will be rewritten, and updated, but as for now I must say goodbye.

Once again I'm truly sorry.

-Leah


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